For the last six years the Texas Rangers have been getting embarrassed by the Astros in Houston. They traveled to Houston for the first time this season and proved this year will be different.
Series Against that Other Texas MLB Team
Game 1 – Two homegrown starters faced off in the opening salvo of this series: crafty lefty Martin Perez and Luis Garcia. Rangers star second baseman Marcus Semien opened the game with a four pitch walk. Rangers first baseman Nathaniel Lowe opened the scoring with a double to right, scoring leadoff man Marcus Semien. In the third inning Adolis “El Bombi” Garcia extended the Rangers lead to 3-0. The most scary hitter in the AL, Yordon Alvarez, hit a solo shot in the bottom half of the same inning to make the game 3-1. Astros outfielder Alvarez is a true S class talent, a truly terrifying opponent. He is the best hitter in baseball and extremely clutch with runners on base.
Nate Lowe came up big again in the 5th with a two RBI single to left. Lowe’s ability to hit to all fields is what makes him a versatile threat. He is not your average pull hitting first baseman. Bespectacled sinkerballer Dane Dunning went into the season expecting to be the first starting pitcher replacement in an injury prone staff. Instead he has turned into a top end reliever. He has pitched 15.1 innings of scoreless baseball this season. No other pitcher in MLB has 0 ER allowed over 10+ innings. Dane Dunning is turning into Dane Stunning. He had 1.2 lockdown innings in this affair. Lefty Will Smith came in to face superstar lefty slugger Alvarez in the bottom of the 7th. He struck out the terrifying slugger to cripple the Astros, who went down in the last two innings without a hit. Win 6-2.
Game 2 – This was a game to forget for the Rangers. It began with talented starter Jon Gray taking a 109 MPH liner off the elbow. Gray is exceptional when healthy, but struggles with injuries. Rangers fans feared the worst when they saw the flamethrowing righty exit the game in the 3rd inning. Miraculously, Gray was not injured by the comebacker. That was the only piece of good news to come out of this sewer game. The Rangers were still in this game going into the 7th inning, down 3-2. The 7th inning turned into a repulsive disaster, on the level of the 7th season of Entourage. The Astros put up five runs in a showing that was harder to watch than talentless dope Dania Ramirez playing Alex or Blanca (same character) in Entourage and The Sopranos. This insufferable affair dragged on endlessly like one of Stephen A Smith’s rants. Loss 8-2.
Game 3 – Andrew Heaney took on Framber Valdez in this pivotal rubber match. Valdez owns the Rangers and has a nasty curveball. He is a quality start machine and a great example of what happens when you actually develop homegrown starting pitching. He has owned the Rangers in the past. The two lefties with great breaking stuff dueled like Korean Starcraft legends Startale Life and Flash (the best progamer of all-time) at MLG Dallas 2013. Both looked untouchable and had their breaking stuff working. The game was scoreless going into the 7th. In years past the Rangers offense would have laid dormant in perpetuity. This year is different. This year the Rangers have Ace Jacob deGrom and Skipper Bruce Bochy. This is no longer a joke franchise meant for the masochistic hardcore loyal fan. This year they have a real team. This year they can actually compete!
Valdez entered the 7th with the score tied 0-0. Rangers first baseman Nate Lowe opened the inning with a double to right. Adolis Garcia reached on an error next. Top hitting prospect Josh Jung smacked a single after to load the bases. Valdez started to crack as he walked in a run, issuing Jonah Heim a free pass. Streaky outfielder Robbie Grossman followed with a single and gave the Rangers a narrow 2-0 lead. Erratic flamethrower Hector Neris replaced Valdez and mowed down light-hitting outfielders Leody Taveras and Travis Jankowski. Marcus Semien came up with the bases loaded and two outs. There is extra strain and pressure on Semien, as his middle infield partner Corey Seager is on the IL. Semien scorched a ball to the left field Crawford Boxes, dealing the Trashtros a devastating blow on the level of John Rambo’s escapades in First Blood. Marcus Semien gave the tanking, trashcan banging joke franchise “a war you won’t believe.”
The Rangers added three more runs in the 8th, putting an explanation point on the series win like Prince Vegeta’s Final Flash against Android 19 in Dragon Ball Z.
The Rangers finally won a series in Houston and moved on to Kansas City to take on the listless Royals. Win 9-1.
Series Against the Lowly Royals
Game 1 – The Rangers entered the series against the Royals knowing their upcoming schedule would be laughably easy. After awful Kansas City they play two teams blatantly not trying: The Jokeland A’s and Cincinnati Reds. It is incredibly important to demolish these joke teams. At some point in the season the Rangers will hit a cold streak. They will face stiff competition. They will have a starting pitcher go down. It is incredibly important to sweep series like this to have some cushion when those things happen.
Star hard carry ace Jacob deGrom started this game. He is quickly becoming the most popular athlete in DFW, surpassing Luka Doncic. deGrom was electric in this start. He commanded his 100 MPH heater brilliantly. His slider was insidious and unhittable. He pitched four brilliant no hit innings before leaving with a sore wrist. His wrist is fine, he was just playing it safe. He will make his next start, thank God. Dane Stunning relieved the deGrominator and pitched 4.1 innings of 1 hit ball. Dunning continues to be lethal out of the bullpen. It might be worth keeping him in the bullpen even if a starter goes down with injury. He has been electric. Jose Leclerc came in at the end of the game to record the last two outs. The Rangers were ahead 3-0 early and never looked back. The pitching was great despite Jake leaving early. The Rangers allowed a mere one hit on the way to victory. Win 4-0.
Game 2 – Nathan Eovaldi faced off against Brad Keller again. Last time these two matched up was last week. The Royals destroyed Texas in that match. This game would be different. Eovaldi turned in a quality start. The Rangers led 3-2 going into the 6th. They began the inning with four singles. Marcus Semien came up with the two men on and hit a backbreaking three run homer. This made the game 8-2 Texas. This was the killshot for the Royals, who surrendered four more runs in the game without scoring. Win 12-2.
Game 3 – Center fielder Leody Taveras came out of his batting slump this game. He had two huge hits for Texas. A RBI triple in the 4th and a RBI double in the 2nd helped lead the Rangers to victory in this one-sided affair. The Rangers bullpen trio of Jonathan Hernandez, Jose Leclerc, and Josh Sborz turned in scoreless outings as the Rangers poured it on late. Martin Perez got the win. Win 12-3.
The Rangers have the easiest portion of their entire schedule coming up. They play two teams blatantly not trying: The A’s and Reds. They should sweep both series.
Upcoming Schedule – All Times Central
4/21 – 7:05 p.m. – vs A’s
4/22 – 6:05 p.m. – vs A’s
4/23 – 1:35 p.m. – vs A’s
4/24 – 5:40 p.m. – at Reds
4/25 – 5:40 p.m. – at Reds
4/26 – 11:35 a.m. – at Reds
