The Dos & Don’ts of Still Searching

Second chance could be your last.

By Karina Manlove

So, last month I decided to give a guy a second chance. He’d contacted me through Facebook and apologized for being a douche to me last year, so I took him up on his offer to take me out.

The verdict is in: I won’t see him again. It’s not because he isn’t nice, or isn’t attractive enough, or anything like that. It’s because he talked about himself all the time. He did that last year, too. He’d go on and on about whatever subject or issue, and I’d want to interject, but every time I tried, he talked over me. It happened on the date:

Him: “Yeah, and then I lost about 30 pounds.
I think the last time you saw me I was over 200,
and now I’m at 185.”

Me: “Oh, wo–”

Him: “I cook all the time and rarely go out to eat

Me: “Tha–”

Him: “I bought some exercise equipment and
work out at home.”

Me: “Awes–” and in my head ‘dude…still?!’

Try having a conversation with someone who does that for more than 10 minutes and you will have the same thought I had:“WTF?! Can I say ONE THING?!” After 30 minutes of it all I really wanted to do was say “it’s really rude of you to invite me out and talk about yourself the entire time,” say thank you and leave, however, I didn’t have the nerve to do it. Every time I wanted to comment on something like his successful weight loss, decision to start working out again, or favorite recipes, he’d have moved on to a different subject. It was honestly boring! I should have yawned – maybe that would have given him a clue. (On second thought, probably not).

When we’d finished with dinner, the waiter came by and asked if we would like any dessert. I really wasn’t planning on having dessert at all, but I figured at this point, after listening to him go on and on about his ex-girlfriend who was now dating and living with one of his friends (yes, again! He brought up his ex again!) and the home gym he’d set up, I ordered a slice of pumpkin cheesecake. I thought, you know what, screw it and screw this date, and I’m going to eat some of this delicious cheesecake and go home and vent to my housemate.

Well, the venting didn’t happen until later, because he wanted to see a movie with me. I must have looked like a deer in headlights when he mentioned it. After leaving the restaurant I said that I’d had a long day and he said, “Aw, I really wanted to see a movie with you.” Awkwardly I agreed that I could stay awake long enough to see a movie even though I thought there was nothing dazzling about sitting in a dark theater for two hours with him, especially after a 45-minute dinner during which he talked about himself 95 percent of the time and only mentioned that my salad looked really good. I wasn’t flattered and the salad probably wasn’t either.

When the movie started I realized that a movie isn’t the most social thing, and it’s really not the best activity if you’re trying to reconnect with someone you pissed off. Plus there’s that awkward grabbing of my hand in the dark or the wannabe slick put-thearm- around-my-shoulder move to worry about, both of which he tried and I refused to do. I wrapped myself in my scarf and he said “if you’re cold you can come closer to me.” Come on, really? Why would I want to do that?

So, please…if you take a woman on a “whoops, I messed up the first time and I feel bad about it, so I want to take you out again” date, don’t talk about your ex, don’t command the entire conversation so she can’t fit a word in edgewise, and don’t expect that just because you paid for dinner this time that she’s going to want to snuggle up to you in a cold movie theater for two hours. And don’t expect that she wants to kiss you afterward.