The I’ll Drink Anything Except Lighter Fluid…Okay, Lighter Fluid Too:
Wambrechies Single Malt Whisky $19
A whisky that’s almost as pleasant as gargling pee. It also comes in Bic and Zippo flavors.
The Bookworm-turned-Party Animal:
Jägermeister $20 & 6-Pack of Redbull $9
If you haven’t seen your friend topless yet, wait five minutes. Ah, not like an incredible night followed by a morning of shame and regret.
The James Bond:
Three Olives Vodka $19 & Boodles British Gin $26
After four martinis anything at the bar starts looking like Octopussy.
The Rapper:
Gold Ace of Spades Champagne $269.99
Nothing pours down the crack of a stripper’s ass smoother.
The Snooty Bastard:
Parker’s Heritage Collection 27-Year-Old Small Batch Bourbon $200
This will get that rich S.O.B’s liver drier than beef jerky so you can get to the inheritance money one Christmas earlier.