I don’t know if there’s some paralyzing spell rumbling in the streets of Dallas, but there are a lot of ladies fixated on relinquishing past lovers. Or should I say not relinquishing past lovers. I can identify these women spot on because I have been one of these needy exes before.
Out of all the times I’ve had my heart ripped, tangled, shaken and stirred, I always feel better with time. It’s a simple fact that humans are basically resilient and although love doesn’t always conquer all, the human spirit does. Sure heartbreaks are miserably excruciating and in the moment feel paralyzing. But when the heart and soul are mended, watch out world because you’ve got a brand new woman on the run.
I wish I could bottle up the gift of hindsight and sprinkle it over my next breakup. Some of my friends who are in the midst of sloppy, toxic breakups right now can’t even look past today to get to the hindsight phase. I feel kind of bossy and harsh, trying to convince them to leave the ex-boyfriend alone. No calls. No texts. No closure. Cut them off completely. Sever any tie that could give his face a chance to creep into your head.
Y’all remember good old Mr. Shitty Sheets. I can see myself bawling in the shower night after the night when we broke up. Although I initiated it, I craved the comfort of his presence. It infuriates me when I think back to those broken and weak moments where I wilted at the thought of him. I also regret the desperate attempts I made at the time of departure. So many times my mother, father and all my friends told me to just leave it alone. Walk away with the power shift on my side. I knew what I had to do, but was drunk on the thought of his love.
So if you’re reading this and are pissed off and broken-hearted from a breakup, you know what you need to do too. You know that each day creeps by slower than the one before because the so-called love of your life no longer is in it. Perhaps this won’t yank you out of your stupor, but I’m sure going to do my dandiest to try!
If you’re at the point of the breakup where you know in your heart of hearts it’s over and it will never work, then walk away. Be the “one” who “got away.” Don’t be the crazy ex who won’t stop contacting him in fits of gloom. There is no reason in hell you need to be contacting him if a breakup is fresh. Cut it off. And when I say cut it off, I mean cut that shit completely off. Delete his number. Hide his status updates on your newsfeed. And for goodness sakes don’t keep haunting photos in your apartment of him. Lock all those memories away in a box and place it under your bed. A year from now you can look at the box when you have reached a place of contentment.
Here’s the silver lining: somehow or another, they always will come back. You may bump into him at the grocery store when you are sloppy, sweaty and smelly. Or you may run into him when you’re a complete knockout on a Saturday night. He may even text you on your birthday, or out of the blue. Nearly every single guy I’ve dated, whether it was one date or a love-infested romance, has resurfaced in some shape or form.
After Shitty Sheets, I took a vow that I would never be that bat-shit crazy person I transformed into. And here’s the thing, even Shitty Sheets has reached out to re-enter into my life. I said a big hell no. There is no way I’m letting those toxins back in. I remember looking back on the crumbling of our roller-coaster relationship and I always regretted that I didn’t have the last word. I always thought he was the one up in score. Although I can’t erase the history between us, I certainly can control my future with him. It’s back in my hands and I chose to keep him right where he is: out of my life and out of my mind.
So perhaps this is a plea to all the girls who are toying with the idea of keeping communication open with a guy they know they shouldn’t. Walk away and get as close to hindsight as you can. It’s incredibly tempting to initiate a text or a call to him “just because.” But it’s not going to be worth it in the long run when you‘re curled up on your living room floor crying like a baby.
Having the hindsight I have now, I know exactly how I should have played my hand. Looking brightly into the future, hindsight has my heart guarded and hopeful, never hardened or defeated.
