The Dos & Don’ts of: Dating on Facebook

DatingOnFacebookBy Karina Manlove

A few months ago I got a Facebook friend request from a guy I dated last year. I saw it pop up late one night when I was browsing my news feed before I went to bed. I didn’t accept or reject the request; I ignored it. I forgot about it until recently when I accepted another request and I saw his was still there.

I can’t lie. I did feel bad about ignoring the request. Why didn’t I accept it? Why didn’t I decline it? I don’t know. I know my reasoning probably makes no sense. I hadn’t talked to him since September 2012, but I’ve accepted requests from people I haven’t spoken to in years, so why would a year be any different?

The truth is that I was embarrassed. I didn’t expressly tell him “this is the last you’ll see of me” a year ago. I figured he would get the hint and move on. I didn’t count on him moving on and then moving back in my direction.

So I ended up accepting his request, and he promptly sent me a Facebook message:
“Hi, I’m not sure if you accepting my friend request was a mistake or not but I thought I’d say hi again on the off chance it wasn’t. Hope you’ve had a good year and would love to chat sometime if you’re up for it.”

I really wasn’t expecting that. So I responded:
“No, it wasn’t a mistake. I figured there’s no sense in being rude.”

And he said:
“Well it wouldn’t be rude since it’s your choice, especially since I took you off my list first. I have thought about you recently, hence the request. So I was the rude one. I regret not being with you and how stupid I was because I really liked you a lot.”

I had to give the guy some credit. He admitted he made a mistake and regretted doing it. That’s a big thing. Admitting you’re wrong is hard enough, but admitting to someone that you did something that made her not want to see you anymore – and that you want to see her again – is more difficult. So what did he do that made me move on?

It was a mixture of things. Mostly, it was the fact that he had just ended his relationship with his girlfriend of four years. The first time he showed me his house, he explained that his ex took everything she bought for the place when she left including the bed, couch, cutlery, and plates. “She took the drawer pulls too,” I remember him saying.

I felt awkward walking around the house that they shared. It was even more awkward when I saw some of her mail sitting on the kitchen counter. I never pointed it out, but he always found a reason to mention that the way things were in his house was because of her.

Another reason I stopped seeing him was because he wasn’t into reciprocation. I’m not talking about gift giving, I’m referring to ‘I scratch your back, you scratch mine.’ He was all about receiving, which I questioned, and he said he wasn’t into visiting “down there.” Come on dude! Really? I know some women don’t like that, but don’t assume the one you’re seeing doesn’t. At least test the waters before staying away completely.

“Oh, my ex, she never liked that,” he said.

I’m not your ex and please don’t compare me to another woman. If something like that has ever come out of your mouth, please don’t ever say it again. No good comes out of it.

The third reason I stopped seeing him was we had an issue with a missing prophylactic which was every person’s nightmare when you’re not trying to conceive. Yes y’all, the condom went missing and I thought it was inside me, so the day after I had to rush to the doctor after scratching my insides trying to find it. And he just laid back on the bed and talked about playing Skyrim and acted as if it wasn’t a big deal while I was panicking in the bathroom. I couldn’t blame him completely because, as you know, it takes two. But my real problem was his cavalier attitude when it happened. Don’t even go there, guys. Please?!

I guess I’ll find out if he’s truly outgrown the ex-girlfriend references. I agreed to go out with him again.