It’s time to address the elephant in the room.
Fair Hooker.
First off, he is Fairfield Hooker, Junior, putting him on a par with Claude Crabb’s parents for passive-aggressive abuse.
“So, Dad…I’m a Hooker?”
“Yes, my child. Your mother is a beautiful Hooker. And you bear my Hooker name. You come from a long line of Hookers. Hookers as far as time can see.”
“Gee, thanks, Dad…”
He was a star receiver for Arizona State before being drafted by the Cleveland Browns. After a non-eventful 1969 rookie year, he played four solid years as a starting receiver for the Browns (running multiple hook routes, no doubt, as Bill Nelsen and Mike Phipps giggled their asses off in the huddle) before an injury in 1974 ended his career. He wound up as a successful banker.
“So…I should give my life savings to…a…hooker?”
“No—a Fair Hooker. Junior.”
“Oh, well in that case…(pulls out a wad of thousand dollar bills) Here you go!”
Of course, the only reason anyone remembers him was the inaugural Monday Night Football game in 1970. No one wanted a part of the game until Browns owner Art Modell (boo….) said they would host the first game on the condition they get to host the New York Jets and Joe Namath. Remember that this was the first year after the merger was complete, so the Browns and Jets were both in the new AFC and were meeting for the first time.
ABC told the announcers not to make specific references to Hooker outside of his playing—which Don Meredith ignored at the first opportunity.
“Isn’t Fair Hooker a great name?” Dandy Don said. When Keith Jackson and Howard Cosell refused to take the bait, Meredith added, “Fair Hooker…never met one.”
And Monday Night Football was born. And Fair Hooker became a legend.
Here are some Fair Hooker highlights:
