By Wendy Wyatt
Welcome to 2015. The year of…well, 2014 was the year of love so let’s say 2015 is the year of quality decision-making. Doesn’t really have a nice ring to it, eh? Let’s say this is the year of entering a new ‘hood (think, Quinceanera), but I am referring to “fatherhood.”
You may be a dad (of children, not the back page), or maybe you’re not. Or let’s be honest, you might be scared shitless of becoming a dad although that’s the supposed natural next step. Think about it, how do you know if it IS the next step?
I remember knowing the exact moment when I was ready to be a mother. Insert “mush” here ______. I looked at my husband and thought to myself, “I can’t possibly love this man any more, but I still have an incredible amount to give.”
True story. But, did my husband have that moment? Pfffft, no. The moment we found out we were having a cherry and not a sausage (her nickname was “lil kolache” until that moment, get your head out of the gutter), he nearly passed out. Stark white, cotton-mouth, speechless. Again, another true story.
You ready to take on “that next step”? I decided to ask my husband about his experiences with fatherhood. All names are protected … because well, the soft side is exposed and vulnerable. And come on, what man can truly handle that?
How have you changed since you had children?
*Robert: I really do think I have the cutest kid. For one, I say “cute.” I don’t desire to go out to bars. (Scratch that…this is me talking. Don’t get it twisted, he is the leader of One Man Parties. Carry on…) I’d rather be at home with my family (rocking out to Styx while annoying my wife. That was me again).
Looking back on your life, do you wish you had children earlier or later in life?
*Robert: No, I don’t wish I had children earlier (for the record this “person” was 41).
Me: Was it because you hadn’t met me yet?
*Robert: Uhhhhh, no. My maturity barely suited me let alone another being. I was too concerned with happy hours, late nights, shots and other things (insert “women” here ________).
What piece of advice would you pass onto to kidless folks?
*Robert: The people who have kids now used to be you. I used to think the people who had kids were uptight and judgmental. And I’ve come to learn, that yes, they are uptight and judgmental. I am one of them. But hey, I like to drink whiskey and smoke a cigar (all while secretly judging yet staring at you with envy while you frolic to and fro.
Okay, that was me. It’s like he’s referencing the song Drinking Class by Lee Brice).
What is your favorite part of being a dad to a girl?
*Robert: When she gets up before I leave for work and says “I love you, Big Bear.” (Let’s pause here…10 years ago it was “I have a job” or “I have my own car,” but hearing your S.O. speak these words now about fatherhood is a whole ‘nother level of sexy talk).
What about the worst part?
*Robert: Knowing someone will break her heart. (Watch out, this is how baby No. 2 comes along).
What’s funny to you about being a dad?
*Robert: The talk about the female anatomy. “Daddy, I need that powder stuff on my v-a-g…” (And yes, he whispered it to me while spelling out this clinical word).
And lastly, how do you balance what’s important to you?
*Robert: A weird thing happens, the older you get, the fewer friends you have. Thank God I have a neighbor who likes to drink beer. And sexy time? Very calculated. And quick. (He asked me to assure everyone knows he means “time-wise.” Duly noted, “Robert”).
All in the name of serious reporting, I was able to snag about seven minutes of this “emotional talk” about fatherhood with him. That’s when he flipped the channel to Die Hard. Thanks for nothing, Bruce Willis.