My best friend is plowing my girlfriend. Yep, it sucks. The worst part is that they don’t know that I know. So to get even I slept with his mom, but it didn’t really make me feel better. Now I just feel like a terrible schmuck…who slept with his best friend’s mom. How do I tell both of them that I know and by the way dude I slept with your mom?
Signed, How the hell did it get to this
To quote the great Johnny Drama from Entourage “Nobody appreciates their girlfriend until they get herpes from the next broad.” What that means for you is that even though your girlfriend is cheating slut monkey, she’s your cheating slut monkey. And, cheating on her will only anger the sexual deities of the past and future, that’s the secret origin of erectile dysfunction – if you didn’t know. However, since you’ve already went MILF hunting in your best friend’s backyard and succeeded in plowing his mom: Now is the time to come clean and mean!
The only way to make this situation right is to be honest with yourself and all parties involved. This is what you’re going to do. Talk to your best friend first. He will punch you in the face for violating his mother’s love box, but he’ll understand. Tell him not to tell your girlfriend that you know, until you’ve had a chance to talk to her. Now, talk to your girlfriend and tell her that you slept with another woman – the details of who don’t matter. Watch her face and look for any sign of resentment or shame for her own acts. Women are prisoners of their facial expressions. Ignore her words and apologies if any are given. Let the breakup sex begin!