Chelsea Handler: Bits O’ Wisdom


I went out with a guy who once told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, I’m drinking so that you’re more fun to be around.

Along with the 97 percent of women who can see, I have never been a fan of redheaded men.

I have no doubt that my mother’s pregnancy with me was an accident. Mostly because on several occasions, she told me I was an accident.

My father has a high opinion of his opinion.

When I get married, I’m gonna register at Bank of America.