The Rangers embarked on the easiest part of their entire schedule a week ago and when they came out of the stretch they had squandered the entire season’s worth of work. The series began against a sewer team blatantly tanking: The Jokeland A’s. The A’s have been trying to escape the urban decay of Oakland for years. Unable to convince the California legislation to divert some of the money they use for heroin needs to a new ballpark, the A’s ownership bought land out in Las Vegas. The team with no identity or future in Oakland was at an all time low, primed to be swept by the Rangers. The Rangers started this series in 1st place in the division and had won four series in a row. The A’s were the lowest they have been in their entire history. As items from the Oakland Coliseum were being stuffed into boxes the A’s traveled to Texas with their AAA lineup to run through the motions against the Rangers.
Game 1 – Jon Gray started for the Rangers. He had to come out of his last start early after being struck by a comebacker. He never looked comfortable in this game. The Rangers jumped out to a 4-0 lead in this game after the 1st. Things looked like they were going how they were supposed to. Like the classic Flux Pavillion song, the cracks began to show on Jon Gray in the 4th inning. The talented righty could not command his heater and the soft Oakland lineup chipped away at him. One run in the 4th, two more in the 5th. As Gray was falling apart and clearly didn’t have it, the Rangers offense was completely checked out. After a solid 1st, they decided to run through the motions for the remainder of the bout like the rapper Charlie Clips. In the 5th and 6th innings the Rangers looked particularly lost against A’s starter JP Sears. Sears struck out five of six Rangers in those two innings. As the Rangers offense coasted like Zeke Elliot after his big contract the A’s started to catch up. The A’s tied the game at 4 runs in the 6th. The Rangers offense was completely AFK like a RuneScape player training Woodcutting after the 1st inning. The A’s offense scored one more run in the 9th on a Jordan Diaz homer off of Will Smith. The A’s took a 5-4 lead into the 9th where they called upon hardwashed sinkerballer Jeurys Familia. Familia was the closer for the 2015 Mets pennant winning team. If he was sharper in that 2015 World Series legendary Italian righty Matt “The Dark Knight” Harvey might have a World Series ring on the hand of the sore arm he gave to put the Mets in position to win. If Familia had been sharper it would have made Harvey into an all time hero in New York, and not a tragic figure. The battery throwing, fairweather degenerates that ride the Number 7 Train to Citi Field never appreciate Matt Harvey because he ran out of gas in Game 5 of the 2015 World Series after begging skipper Terry Collins to go back out despite being at over 100 pitches and coming off of Tommy John Surgery. Harvey took the mound in that affair up 2-0 in the 9th. Walk (Collins should have yanked him at this point before the next batter arrived) then a double made it 2-1 Mets with a runner on second and no outs. Collins yanked the galiant Dark Knight and put in Familia, who instantly gave up the lead which seemed insurmountable a mere five minutes earlier. Familia is not only a playoff choker, but he ruined Matt Harvey’s career and life. Harvey was never the same after 2015, when he pitched the most innings ever after Tommy John Surgery. The Dark Knight would have considered it a worthy trade had he won the Mets a 2015 World Series trophy. But instead, choking STOOGE Familia blew both games 1 and 5 of the World Series, two games Harvey started. Familia is a dope that was decent in the regular season but choked when it mattered, just like 2000 Mets Closer Armando Benitez.
So naturally Familia walked the leadoff man, the ominous start to any inning. Josh Smith IMMEDIATELY bounced into a double play to kill the inning. Gimmick player Travis Jankowski made the final out to secure the win for the team trying to lose. Loss 5-4.
Game 2 – After a repugnant game one loss the Rangers needed to make a statement. Sharp lefty Andrew Heaney turned in a quality start. While Andrew Heaney was doing his job, electric Cuban slugger Adolis Garcia was demolishing the A’s. Garcia put on such an insane hard carry performance he could be compared to famed FPS commentator “Xcaliz0rz.”
“Xcal,” as he was known, was made famous for his ability to decimate teams single-handedly. The Houston born entertainer was known for his use of substandard weapons and objective focused playstyle. Adolis “El Bombi” Garcia put on a hard carry performance Xcal would have been proud of. He demolished the A’s like they were nothing. He went 5-5 with three homers and two doubles. This was the first time in Rangers history a player has hit three homers and two doubles in the same game. Garcia was simply electric. The Pride of Cuba did his country proud and showed he has the ceiling of a superstar. The Rangers have been a hitting organization for years. They have lacked pitching and been offense first. This means the records are hard to break. Adolis Garcia put on the second best hitting performance in Rangers history with this impressive salvo. Garcia went a staggering 5-5 with 8 RBI. This performance is only eclipsed by Josh Hamilton, who went 5-5 with four homers and a double in a 2012 game that would be the last spectacular flair out of his first overall pick career. Hamilton entered a steady decline after that game. One must wonder how long Josh Hamilton’s prime might have been if he never started smoking crack. Hamilton’s prime was too short and too injury plagued. But the Rangers fan should lament we only got one true season where he put it all together. In 2010 Josh truly put it all together. He led the team to a pennant and won MVP. After that day in 2012, Josh never saw true peak power again. The downfall culminated in Josh dropping a can of corn popup that allowed the A’s to steal the division. Josh Hamilton is the ultimate tragic figure. At his peak, he was one of the best outfielders in baseball history. He wasted over a decade because of drugs. But in this last final spark, he hit four homers and a double. His double was just short of the wall, which would have been a record five homers in a game. It shows just how good Prime Josh Hamilton was.
Adolis Garcia hit two doubles and three homers. It was the first time in Rangers history hit three homers and two doubles. This is the second best batting performance in Rangers history. Adolis Garcia hard carried this game and the Rangers won behind the electric Cuban. Win 18-3.
Game 3- Exceptional starter Jacob deGrom started this game for Texas. He was electric, striking out 11 over six innings. deGrom shut the door in a “must” game for Texas. The Rangers won behind an easy Will Smith save. Win 5-2.
After salvaging a series against Oakland the Rangers took on the awful Reds.
Game 1 – Rangers righty Nathan Eovaldi turned in a quality start as the Rangers jumped out to a solid lead entering the late innings. The game was 6-4 Rangers entering the 8th when Dane Dunning had control issues and had to have closer Jose Leclerc come into the 8th to bail him out. Leclerc walked two instantly, surrendering the lead. Leclerc had to be bailed out by Will Smith in the 9th, and blew the lead for good. Loss 7-6.
Game 2 – The Rangers suffered a catastrophic blow up in the second game of the series. They were up 6-1 when Cole Ragans made a repugnant mess of the game. He gave up 5 ER in a repulsive display best forgotten like The Chevy Chase Show. The game was ruined in the 8th when the Rangers bullpen melted down. Loss 7-6.
Game 3 – The Rangers threw up all over themselves in the 9th when they took a 3-3 game and choked it after Jonathan Hernandez gave up a single and homer in the bottom of the 9th. The Rangers lost to one of the worst teams in MLB. Loss 5-3.
The Rangers will take on their rival, The Yanks, in the upcoming games. These games are incredibly important.
Upcoming Schedule – All Times Central
4/27 – vs New York Yankees – 7:05 p.m.
4/28 – vs New York Yankees – 7:05 p.m.
4/29 – vs New York Yankees – 6:05 p.m.
4/30 – vs New York Yankees – 1:35 p.m.
5/2 – vs Arizona Diamondbacks – 7:05 p.m.
5/3 – vs Arizona Diamondbacks – 1:05 p.m.
5/5 – @Los Angeles Angels – 8:38 p.m.
5/6 – @Los Angeles Angels – 8:07 p.m.
5/7 – @Los Angeles Angeles – 3:07 p.m.
