Dirty Birdies: Hilarious Political Scandals

By Cote Bailey

Mark “See Ya in Argentina” Sanford


The former South Carolina governor wanted to spice up his life, but instead of heading to Chipotle he decided to start banging Argentinean journalist Maria Belen Chapur, which would have been awesome had he not been married at the time. Things got bad for Sanford when he disappeared form June 18 to June 24, 2009 and gained national news coverage only to discover that he was in Buenos Aires shacking up.


Larry “Wide Stance” Craig


In one of the most hilarious excuses of political sex scandal history, then Idaho senator Larry Craig when arrested for lewd conduct in a Minneapolis airport restroom for looking for a little bathroom booty time by tapping his right foot in the stall next to him. The disgraced and highly embarrassed Craig while being questioned told officers that he was up to no wrong doing and just was “a fairly wide guy.” Thus the legend of Wide Stance Larry was born.


Bill “Devil in a Splooge Dress” Clinton


In 1998 the president meet a white house intern that knew a thing or two about nostalgia because who else wouldn’t clean a dress that had been painted with Chelsea’s potential siblings? But all is well that ends well because Clinton is still one of the most beloved presidents ever and Monica is known for being on the receiving end of one of the most famous facials in political history.


Eliot “Love Potion No. 9” Spitzer


What’s a sex scandal check list without Elie Spitz? The Emperors Club VIP Hall of Famer knew how to stimulate the economy. In 2008, Spitzer then Governor of NY spent $15,000 over six months with elite-class prostitutes, but things came crashing down when Client-9’s dirty laundry was published by the US Federal Court. Spitzer subsequently resigned.


John “Screw the Pink Ribbon” Edwards


There are guys who are dirt and then there is a class of subterranean douches like John Edwards. During the time when his wife of 33 years announced she was dying of breast cancer, the North Carolina senator thought that his time would best be served behind a campaign aide and father a child. In 2010 it came to light that there was even a sex tape. RIP Elizabeth Edwards, hopefully now you’re in a douchebag free place.


Anthony “Have You Seen My” Weiner


Oh irony, how we love you so. How awesome is it that a guy with the last name Weiner gets in trouble for showing it? The former congressman had a thing for finding chicks on Twitter and wagging his last name all over the place much to the chagrin of his pregnant wife Huma Abedin, Hilary Clinton’s chief of staff.  Once the Weenie was roasted resignation was the only option.

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