Plastic is not so Fantastic

Plastic surgery! It congers a number of things to mind, but like all double-edged blades it can cut for both good and bad. Technically, it is a medical specialty that restores both form and function, however in recent years it has become synonymous with aesthetic improvement to various degrees. A simple Google search will reveal how popular such surgical processes are, from breast augmentation (Seriously! Nobody is fooled that those gravity-defying cantaloupes are real!!) to vaginal rejuvenation (Google this one and look at the menu list of improvements your Va-jay-jay has to choose from). One begins to wonder where the line exists between form and functional improvements and the overemphasis of practices that prey upon the insecurities of wealthy narcissists.

Although, who am I to judge whether your breasts are too big? You are the only one who has to live with them. They are breasts! Breasts are loved in just about any shape and size, from Pam Anderson to Keira Knightley. It doesn’t really mean anything unless you are hedging your bets on who you think will like your enhanced bosom. And so we really come down to the meat and potatoes of this argument: the ability to change your appearance to what you think is more appealing.

Heidi Montag, Lindsay Lohan, Kim Kardashian, these are the vanguard of plastic, botoxed, and augmented faces. Yet, is this any surprise? They sit at the pinnacle of necessarily flawless appearance, yet time and time again, they go from pretty, to bad, to worse. Is it just their twisted sense of self, perhaps reflected and magnified through a paparazzi prism? With too much money, unhealthy substance abuse, and a lack of perspective, we see the most beautiful of talents morph into hideous caricatures of themselves. Kenny Rodgers, Daryl Hannah, Tori Amos? Have you seen what these people have become? In their minds money can buy anything, and they have a*s-loads of it!

Yet, do they even understand that their quest for a perfect face too often results in baboon/trout lips pumped full of Drano, cheek implants, and skin stretched to the point that your original ethnicity is now called into question? No doubt, the remains of plastic surgery bio-waste will be floating in the primordial ooze long after the Apocalypse. In fact, non-biodegradable breast and cheek implants may be the only thing the cockroaches won’t touch.

But it’s not all baboon lips and stretched cat faces for the rich. Plastic surgery has helped thousands of people who have suffered car accidents, mastectomies, and the unfortunate slapped with parrot beaks and donkey ears. And let’s face it, would Joan Rivers have had any kind of career once gravity set in and plastic surgery not intervened so that she morphed into some sort of bleach blond basset hound with only her waggly jowls to set her apart from the endless stream of perpetual youth talent that is found in showbiz?

I guess I am advocating moderation when it comes to plastic surgery. I have seen timeless beauties give themselves over to eager surgeons with no recourse to inherent beauty all on the promise of a more perfect smile. But I wonder who had the greater responsibility? The surgeon who carved away the perfection or the beauty who lost perspective.

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