Cupid Sucks

Never Drink Tequila I I“My boyfriend and I had been dating for a couple of months,” said Sheila. The two liked to have a lot of fun… By fun, she means alcohol. “We met at a bar – going out drinking was our thing,” she recalled. On that particular Valentine’s evening, Sheila decided to do a tequila shot. She would typically drink beers, but it was a special occasion. It can’t hurt. Sheila probably should’ve stopped at one, but she kept on going with the tequila shots. After three, it wasn’t long until Sheila’s stomach started to act up and before she could find a viable bathroom, she had vomited all over her boyfriend of two months! “We stayed together for a month after that,” she adds. “I don’t know if that night caused the breakup, but I definitely lost a little bit of sex appeal after it.”

These Are Magical Brownies I I From Danny Wong at Blank Label: “My worst Valentine’s Day Experience has to have been when I was in high school. I was fed a ‘special brownie’ when I just thought my friends were being kind giving out brownies because of the special occasion. To my surprise, the brownies contained some [interesting] substances, which put me in a very strange mental state throughout the day. It was the first time I ever experienced such a thing and it gave me a HUGE head rush that knocked me out during one of my classes. After my nap, I strolled over to the nurse’s office to skip some classes and lay down for an hour before school let out. What happened after school was an interesting experience too – riding the NYC metro subway in the condition that I was. I met up with a friend (female, yes, but friend only) just to spend the day but naturally, being in the condition that I was in, and not being able to really take a proper handle of myself, I really blew that friendship for being ‘disrespectful’ for showing up the way that I did and failing to really be ‘present’ because while my body was present, my mind was floating on clouds.” Alrighty then. Lesson learned: don’t accept psychedelic hash brownies on Valentine’s Day.

Not So Clean Getaway I City Room I One Valentine’s Day, there was a huge snowstorm. My boyfriend called to urge me to stay at work (where my boss was offering to people up in the nearby hotel) rather than risk driving 35 miles home. But I had a special V-Day meal all prepped, and I insisted on going home. When I got there, I got stuck on the unplowed one-way road next to our apartment, and I called him to see if he’d help dig me out.

His response was a very startled “Where are you?!” I assured him I was safe — and just outside. He yelled at me for risking it. And then I saw him … sneaking out of a house a block away … and it turned out that yes, he’d been cheating. Worst part: he went back to her place after our “discussion” and spent the night there.

The “Light” of My Life I MarloThomas I My former husband was never into Valentine’s Day, so when he presented me with a box dressed to the hilt in wrapping paper peppered with hearts and a huge bow, I was shocked. I was excited and “first love” thrilled. My heart thumped in anticipation as I unwrapped the package. But the excitement came to an abrupt halt, and my heart flatlined, when I saw its contents. A car headlight. “I noticed you had one out,” he said.

Loser Born on a Day for Lovers I TheExperienceProject I So you think you’ve had a bad Valentine’s Day…. Suppose it was your birthday, now that sucks. Not only did I have bad experiences, no one to share it with and the only things they so creatively give you is Valentine junk for your birthday…. like no roses please… I like tulips, no chocolate cause I don’t care for the crappy heart wrapping and nothing red, pink or white…UGH! Can’t go out to a restaurant …its booked with lovers plus everyone is busy on your birthday, doing either the love do goo-goo eyes nightmare of hearing someone get engaged… and I feel like Porky pig drawn like a sucker. Ahhh, it’ll be another year sitting in my bedclothes cracking a beer and once again say cheers to myself one more year alone… thanks for the memories, they suck!

The Swollen Member I I Nikki’s boyfriend was able to get his hands on a friend’s swank New York apartment for Valentine’s Day. They enjoyed a lovely dinner and got down to business quickly, rolling around on the floor, tearing each other’s clothes off. Apparently, his friends had cats and Nikki was terribly allergic. She started sneezing and tearing up, but she ignored her symptoms to continue with her steamy romp. Disaster struck when her parts were exposed to cat hair and immediately started to swell closed. So much for some Valentine’s Day fun..

Hey That’s A Nice Shirt! I Yahoo! I Valentine’s 08: [My first valentines actually having a valentine was the most messed up date ever!] My date apparently had a family emergency and we had to leave Chili’s…we had ordered and were waiting for our food when he got the call. I was nice enough to understand that his family was more important than our date and I asked him if he was okay. Moreover, we had exchanged gifts earlier – he gave me a teddy bear – and I gave him a Plushee that made a kissing sound, a shirt from Hollister, and expensive cologne. So on valentines, we decided to make it official after what happened, and three days later, while he was wearing the shirt and cologne I gave him- he breaks up with me.

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