The Answer Guy: December 18th 2012

Dear Arthur,

My girlfriend is beautiful, funny, outgoing, and overall just amazing… but there is this one thing. She has a terrible habit of farting in front of me and I’m not talking cute baby farts, I’m talking the stuff of that that peels paint off the wall. I try to be a good sport about it because she thinks it’s hilarious, but it really is starting to gross me out and it may be too much to handle.

Signed, Gone with the wind

 

There’s something both sexy and scary about a chick who can out beer pong her male pals, test your girlfriend’s bi-curiosity, and then walk into a public restroom stall after you and look down at your man business with a poker face, and state in her best fake British accent, “Crabs?!?….tramp. I see you and my ex-boyfriend have been dating the same prophylactically-challenged tramp.”

Then this chick will laugh at you as if she just didn’t reduce your manhood to a state of nothingness. But, right before you plan your revenge on this 5’4” creature of the night who’s standing there with ripped jeans and a thrift store tee that smells like hot wings and beer; she takes her hair down and you realize that you’re standing before a goddess! And, then she FARTS!

This is all just a reminder that we live in an age of tomboyish women who who were more Cinderella before she got an Extreme Makeover, and are happy with who they are.

Harsh lesson time! There’s no manly way to talk to your girlfriend about this without coming across as an overly sensitive guy who can’t take a girl farting around him from time to time. If it were me, I’d make a drinking game

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