By Wendy Wyatt
The beloved National Hearts and Chocolate Day is right around the corner. You know what that means, fellas? To quote Pink, “R-O-M-A-N-C-E, you can do it babe.” The other 364 days you can go back to your usual self. I’m here to ensure you don’t screw up the weeks leading up to “V-Day”, here are a handful of pointers.
1. Ask “You fine” with a question mark, not an exclamation mark, and I’ll reply with the same “you,” but with a more colorful four-letter “F” word. And no, not that one, it’s not an invitation, you fool.
2. Dinner. The meal which boasts the most arguments. Do not, I repeat, do no ask, “What’s for dinner?” … on your damn day off while your girl has been sitting in traffic for 47 minutes. Make a freakin’ PB&J sandwich. Throw some baked chips on a plate and you’ll be compared a knight in shining armor riding in on a white horse.
3. A random “I love you” text usually means you want/did/need something and the request is followed in another text in 3 … 2 … 1 … seconds. And guess what, the jig is up, we know. Just send the sentiment. Geeze.
4. Chores. “Look, I did the dishes!” You want a damn medal? Wow, I washed and folded your skid-filled underwear, I cleaned your leftover beer cans off the kitchen table, I vacuumed the whole entire house, I….birthed a baby for shits sake. Ahem, sorry, that might be a more personal, but you get the drift.
5. Affection. It’s more than an “I’d hit it” mentality. Woo us. Snuggle. Twirl our hair. A peck on the back of the neck. It’s the little things that get you far.
Remember, you catch more flies with honey than you do vinegar. Now, go get her you love bug, you.