Week of: July 28, 2010
Q: What do you call a skeleton in the closet with blonde hair?
A: Last year’s hide-and-go-seek winner.

Q: How are an apple and a lawyer alike?
A: They both look good hanging from a tree.

Q: How do you fix a woman’s watch?
A: You don’t. There is a clock on the oven.

Q: What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
A: Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

The Cleaning Bill
A drunk in a bar pukes all over his own shirt, which was brand new before he came in. “Damn,” he says. “I puked on my shirt again. If the wife finds out, she’s gonna kill me.”
“Not to worry,” says the bartender as he sticks a $20 bill in the drunk’s pocket. “Just tell her someone puked on you and gave you some cash to cover the cleaning bill.”
So the drunk goes home and tells his wife about the guy who puked on him. She reaches into his pocket and finds two twenties. “Why are there two twenties?” she asks.
The drunk replies, “Oh, yeah, he crapped in my pants, too.”

Week of: July 21, 2010
Q: What do you call a blonde holding a balloon?
A: Siamese twins.

Q: Why does the law prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
A: Prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.

Q: What do girls and rocks have in common?
A: Everyone skips the flat ones.

Q: What’s the most successful pickup line ever?
A: “Does this smell like chloroform?”

Going to the Club
Once there was a little boy who was curious about what a strip club was like so one day he decided to sneak into one. Once he was in, he watched as the strippers danced. He watched until they started taking of their clothing. That’s when he bolted out the door and started running down the street and into a man. The man asked the boy, “What’s wrong young man? You look like you just saw a ghost!” The little boy replied, “My mommy and daddy told me that if I ever watched anybody undress, I’d turn to stone...and all of a sudden, I felt something hard!”