Infidelity: Are we all promiscuous?

The consensus of the general population is convinced that most people, both men and women cheat on their partners. However, some surprising research suggests that this is a misconception and that most marriage partners are not as promiscuous as everyone thinks. In fact, only 12 percent of men report cheating on their wives, with women not falling far behind at seven percent. Such misconceptions about infidelity have wreaked havoc on people, especially women. If they weren’t so jealous and worried that their partners weren’t cheating on them every time they came home late from the office, women could possibly rule the world.

Still, even if the rest of the 88 percent who don’t cheat on their partners, I can’t help but wonder: will married people be happy with grapefruit for breakfast every single morning for the rest of their lives? What if one day you wake up and badly want an omelet? When people get married they are so bleary-eyed with unrestrained hope that they actually believe that their love will grow, that the grapefruit will change colors, maybe become sweeter or have a different, more inventive flavor.

But even if you could get the amazing omelet or the most delicious grapefruit, no one is going to be perfect. In fact, oftentimes it’s the people you love that have the ability to annoy you the most. Think about the best relationship you’ve ever had, your favorite pet, your adorable little nephew. Your partner may often burn breakfast and fart with abandon, your little dog Spot has shat on the carpet more times that you can count, and little Danny had a temper tantrum in the middle of your aunt’s funeral. But you still love them anyway.

But in romantic relationships is love enough? Can it really conquer all? Forgive my cynicism, but the divorce rate in the United States is still the highest in industrialized nations at 51 percent, and most couples I know are miserable. Though, I’m still convinced that there is a ray of hope in all this mess, thanks to the few couples who actually are happy together. Still, there is that seven-year itch, which isn’t just a Hollywood superstition, but supported by hard science.

Consider this: the average marriage in the U.S. lasts 7.2 years, the extra .2 credited to the added months in marriage counseling with couples trying to work things out. Also interesting is the fact that every cell in our body completely changes approximately every seven years, which means that we turn into completely different people. It is quite plausible then, that your brain chemistry is the one demanding you give up the grapefruit and try an omelet despite the train wreck and mayhem that will surely ensue.

It would be nice if we lived in a perfect world where fantasies come true, where gorgeous, flawless fem-bots frolic on unicorns and lavish you with every sexual fantasy you could ever imagine; a world where you can cheat on your loyal grapefruit with all the hot omelets you want and without any regret the next day or guilt weighing on you for eternity—a free pass with nothing to lose. But life isn’t a fantasy, and cheating is gluttonous, like having two steak dinners, which might be enjoyable at the time, but will surely blast out your poor colon and tear apart your heart and those that you love.

For all you 12 and seven percent of sluts out there, be careful of cheating, because if you get caught you could end up starving and alone in a cold bed, or even worse, with an irreversible STD. Gonorrhea never killed anybody but Syphilis has and I hear it’s making a comeback. I know this because a giant billboard displayed the ominous warning, just a few miles after the one advertising a 24-hour all-nude strip club. Plus, reputations as a man-whore or slut get around pretty fast, and no one—not even a lumpy, over-ripe grapefruit or a hot omelet will put up with a cheating heart for long.

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