Relationships can be a wonderful thing, especially in the beginning when everything is new and fun. It’s like Christmas morning or opening day for your favorite sport. But just like other favorite things in life, sometimes the ‘shine’ wears off.

It’s like when your favorite team loses half their games or you go hunting and all you shoot are stumps and cans. At least with sports, there’s always next year, because it might be better. But with relationships, once the fun is gone, it’s probably going to be a long, dreary, life-sucking slide downhill.

The trick is to identify that point when it’s over and jump the fence before it’s too late. A true connoisseur of dealing with females learns when to escape before he’s sucked into that mysterious time vortex and the next thing he knows is he’s waking up with polyester pants pulled up over his belly button and wearing matching white shoes and belt, and wondering, “What the hell happened?”

There’s an old joke where a man congratulates his buddy on his 20th anniversary. The buddy looks back with a grim face and says, “Yeah, but if I’d killed her, I’d be getting out of prison by now.” Don’t get me wrong, crime is definitely not the answer, and even a mean woman is better than ‘Big Bubba’ in prison. But you don’t want to wake up twenty years from now and realize you wasted all that time being unhappy.

Here are some signs to help you know when it’s over, and time to jump the fence:

Play the I’m Asleep Game:
If you lay in bed and look through the bathroom door and see your woman completing the ‘night time ritual’…scrubbing off her war paint, brushing all the ‘cute’ out of her hair-do, and putting on feet-pajamas because she says it’s just too cold, and think to yourself, “Oh, hell no!”, and then roll over and play like you’re asleep so you won’t have to be amorous.

Glad it Was the Dog:
If you wake up in the morning and feel a wet tongue on your earlobe, and think, “Not this morning…please!, and then peek through one eye and realize you’re actually happy to see that it’s the dog, even though you know he probably licked his butt first.

Glad To Be Alone:
If you wake up in the middle of the night and realize she’s gone…maybe watching a late movie or fell asleep on the couch, and let out a giant sigh of happiness, and then go back to sleep. Or if she calls and says she’s spending a few extra nights at her mother’s because they’re having so much fun, and you say, ‘That’s fine with me,” but secretly hope she stays for good.

Cell Phone Screening:
If your cell phone rings and you see it’s her calling, and you know it will take longer to make up a believable excuse about why you didn’t answer, than it would just to talk to her, but you hit the ‘ignore button’ anyway.

You Just Don’t Care:
When she says a guy has been hitting on her at work, and you think to yourself, “Good…maybe you’ll be happy together.” Of if she pulls the ‘threat card’ and says if you don’t change your attitude she’ll leave, and you almost run over her to help her pack. Well brother, if you’re seeing any of these signs, my suggestion is, lace up your tennis shoes, grab the dog, and jump that fence. Life is just too short not to be happy!