ComMANdments

Thou shalt not watch or know the main plot line of any Twilight movies.

Thou shalt not take pictures or video his friends doing anything that would prompt the
spousal inquisition or require intense questioning.

Thou shalt never sleep with any of your friends’ hot sisters. Breaking this commandment is punishable by public de-crotching.

Thou shalt be willing to fight to the death for the last buffalo wing.

Thou shalt not cheat at rock, paper, scissors, ‘tis the game that keeps the order of
the world.

Thou shalt not have scented lotions. Apricot Autumn is not the smell of a man.

Thou shalt not watch GLEE, but if you are required to, thou shalt not sing or
memorize any of the songs and hum them in the car. We are listening.

Thou shalt be willing to be the alibi for any friend for which you have played backyard
football with. Ever. No exceptions.

Thou shalt never date the ex-girlfriend of a friend. They break up, you break up. Simple as that.

Thou shalt not own a cat. Should you decide to break this commandment your friends are allowed to call you the following: CatMan, CatDude, Puss-N-Boots, or Whiskers Meowzers. Your choice.

Thou shalt not ever send smiley face text messages to a guy.

Thou shalt not use any cutesy filters on Instagram. Especially Toaster (and
if you read this and said “awww” you’re really in trouble).

Thou shalt not share an umbrella with any man. One man must risk drowning, ‘tis
God’s will.

Thou shalt not order mixed drinks at a bar unless they are for the cute girl sitting at that
table over there. Should you sip from that cup of unmanliness the ramifications will be swift and vengeful.

Thou shalt not initiate nor participate in any conversations at urinals.

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